UofMUSCLE.com – M.U.S.C.L.E. Figures from Mattel

I’m not the only person that rants about eBay. Do you know what I realized as I read that article?

There is not any store, or app, or place for me to have a satisfactory purchasing experience. My niche has become so small there isn’t anything available to me. Dumb luck or a random act of kindness are my only options. There is something oddly comforting accepting that idea.

What are other people using besides eBay? I’ve seen toys for sale on Instagram, but it doesn’t seem like the easiest system. Unless you’re following the “right” people, at the right time, then you’re probably going to miss out. The exception to that rule seems to be RetroWorldKorea. He seems to post a picture, and then later share the auction link or note that it is listed in his store. Who are some other people that do that?

As much as I like RetroWorldKorea it only further highlights my collecting niche. He has great stuff, but he’s only had one thing that moved me enough to purchase. That’s not a knock on him, it’s just the fact that only 0.04% of his posts applied directly to me.

Poor me.

When people come to a muscle website what do that want? Porn – obviously. That’s why using the right search term is so important.

After they have properly typed “M.U.S.C.L.E.” into AltaVista, what do those people want? Again, obviously, they want an update on the Dole saga.

I was three coupons away from perfectly predicting their response. I received a $4 check, two free salad coupons, and a $0.50 off any Dole product coupon. Do you think that is a fair response?

“What did you want?”

That’s the question I kept coming back to as I looked at my coupons. In fairness, assuming that the average shopper purchases one Dole salad per week, they attempted to provide a free month of salad and completely refunded my money.

But a $4 check is dumb. It doesn’t seem apologetic. It seems completely transactional – and that’s what Dole wanted. They never apologized because that would admit they were at fault for anything. As a risk mitigation strategy, they weren’t going to do that. Look at that letter. They bragged about their cleaning process.

They did apologize for my “unsatisfactory experience,” but that’s not really an apology. That reads like a blanket statement for literally any compliant they receive – like the leaves were too green; not green enough; or the lettuce seemed angry.

I’m sure Dole gave any extra money to someone that really needs it.

– This made me smile as much as this.
– $12.50 BIN. Guess how many figures.
– C’mon.
– Yeah, I think eBay is over.
– Yep, shut it down. We had a good run.

I don’t know if you saw this story. The woman that played Caitlin in Clerks died.

It seems melodramatic to say, but this hit me as bad, or worse, than any celebrity death I’ve ever encountered – which, in and of itself, was strange for me.

It’s hard for me to understand why I felt…anything. I didn’t know her. She wasn’t a first crush. She wasn’t even my favorite character in the movie.

But that movie was maybe the first, that I can remember, that gave me hope for being weird or different. I worked in a video store. I wasn’t cool. I secretly loved Star Wars during the dark times. I tried to fit in, but always felt out of place – or, at least, inauthentic. Unknowingly, even to myself at the time, Clerks helped me to feel ok being a little weird.

Or a lot weird.

I like analogies. I use them all the time. I probably use them too much. But, one more won’t kill me.

I felt sad like when an inanimate constant disappears. You don’t have any relationship with it, but you quietly like it being there. The tree in front of your childhood home. The play structure at your first school or your favorite park. It’s there. And then not.